White Collar Truck Driving

I woke up this morning to the sound of my cell phone alarm going off. Time to start another fun-filled day of white collar truck driving.

My commute to work is not a long one since I live in my office. It is kinda cramped in here, but I always have everything I need within easy reach. Tylenol, contact lens solution, butt wipes, Kleenex, toothpaste and toothbrush, water, food, and a bed are always within reach.

So I shut off my alarm and leave my house/office to go use the potty and get myself a cup of coffee. I must make sure I do this in proper order though. I don't really want to take a cup of coffee into a restroom that may or may not have been cleaned within the last year.

Brush my teeth, put in my contacts, throw on a hat and I am ready to begin my day. Today is not one of the days where I am lucky enough to grab a shower. Too many people waiting and I have to be to work on time. Oh well, no one else will be in my office today. It will just be me and my radio.

So I start my day. Now my time clock is a little different than most white collar workers. Once I start working I only have 14 hours to complete my 11 hours worth of work. "That should be easy to do" you say? We shall see.

My clock starts promptly at 7am today. Time to inspect my office and make sure all is in working order. All I need is for an equipment failure. That will surely chew up my 14 hours. It may also result in a tragic office accident. I don't need a copy machine blowing up and taking out a co-worker.

All my equipment seems to be in fine working order. 15 minutes or so are already taken off of my fourteen hours. Not to worry though, I still have plenty of time. Time to "clock" in. Now I can start earning money.

The first couple of hours go by without much fan-fare. Everything seems to be going as well as can be expected. Every once in a while someone will show up and slow me down a bit, but I keep plugging away. Then it happens......

My keyboard starts acting up and finally stops working. I can't do any work without the keyboard. Dag gum it. I need to call IT, but first, I have to clock out. See, if I am not working, I am not getting paid. While this joker takes his own sweet time figuring out the problem and then eventually fixing the problem, I am not getting paid. However, my 14 hours are still burning off of the clock.

Finally, 2 hours later, my keyboard is fixed. I can now clock back in and start getting paid again. My report is a little behind now, but if I work diligently and not take any breaks, I can still complete it on time. To be late with this report could get my boss in a little bit of trouble. If it is too late, it may cost him money or even loss of a very important account.

So I bust my butt and get the report done just in time. I didn't even stop to pee or anything. That's OK though. If I have to stop and go potty or even grab a bite to eat, I have to clock out and not clock back in until I go to work again.

I go to turn the report in, but before I do that I need to clock out again. 14 hours are still ticking away. I hope my boss doesn't take too long to check over the report.

No such luck. 4 hours later, my report is finally approved and I can get back on the clock. Only 2 hours left on my 14 though. Not much time to earn any more money.

14 hours goes by and my day is done. 14 hours and only 8 hours pay. Oh well, at least I can relax now for my mandatory 10 hours off before I must begin another day.

So I clock out and begin to take advantage of my downtime. Watch a little TV, play on the computer, talk to the family, grab a bite to eat. But my office is in New York. Since I am done working, I must shut off my air conditioning or heat (depending on time of year) or face a hefty fine from the local authorities. What do they care? They can keep their offices at a comfortable temperature year round, whether they are working or not.

My office only has a couple of windows. I had to buy screens for them myself. It was either that or get eaten up by bugs while I am trying to sleep. Open windows are of little use tonight though. It is warm and muggy with no breeze at all. Nothing I like more than sweating to death while trying to get rested enough to begin my next 14 hour day.

I awaken the next day and complete the report I had started the day before. Finished without a hitch in just a couple of hours. I call my boss and ask him what he would like for me to do next. "Nothing to do right now. Clock out and I will let you know as soon as some work comes up" 14 hours are ticking away quickly.

With 1 hour to go, the boss calls up and informs me there is more work to do. "Since you already have 10 hours off, looks like you can start another 14 hour shift. I hope you don't mind working all night, but this report must be done by 1st thing in the morning." So now I get to work all night after being up all day. This is gonna be a long night.

Oh well, at least the view from my office window keeps changing. That is the only thing keeping my sane!

This is what most truck drivers deal with every day. The only time we get paid is when the wheels are rolling. If we break down, or stop to go potty or grab a meal we are not getting paid. If we are held up at a shipper for hours, we are not getting paid, even though we are on the clock" When we are finally done, many times, either by government regulation or company policy, we have to shut off our trucks and swelter in the heat or freeze in the cold. Imagine if you have to do that at your job or in your house.

Drive safe out there!

I've got a big rear end.....

And I know it.

No matter what I do I can not make it smaller. Maybe one of those mirrors with the words "Object in mirror may be closer than they appear" would do the trick, but alas, it would only be a trick.

I know a lot of truck drivers that have big rear ends. In fact, most of them do.

Now there is nothing wrong with a big rear end. They do serve a purpose, but sometimes they hide the problem that is laying in wait. Sometimes whole cars disappear behind my big rear end. When that happens, that can lead to a whole slew of problems that I hesitate to even go into here.

Why do I want to talk about my big rear end? Because it can affect you too.

Of course, those of you who have visual contact with me know I am not talking about ME. I have no butt. If I were skinnier I would look like a frog forced to stand up and wear clothes.

I am talking about the rear end of my truck. You have all seen them. They get in the way on your highways and streets. They make it impossible to see around and they ALWAYS seem to slow you down. Yet so many people seem to want to ride right behind them, as close as they can, because that is the best way to get around them........I guess

However, when you are that close to one, the driver can not see you. Seeing what is behind us helps us to make better decisions as drivers. I would think not following too closely would help people in cars make better decisions too. How can you make a good decision driving when you can not see what is ahead of you? Seems to me you are putting a whole lot of faith in the driver of the truck in front of you to make good decisions. I don't trust anyone that much.

Another problem could come in the form of mechanical failure. A blown tire or brake chamber could really put a crimp in your day.

One more thing about big rear ends. Don't try to squeeze between them and the car or truck you are trying to get in front of. Many time I have been just clear of the vehicle I just passed when someone will jimmy themselves in between me and the driver I just passed and then pass on the right. Bad Move!

Just because there is room to squeeze in there does not mean you should. Most truck drivers are waiting to clear the vehicle by a good margin before they pull back in front of it because that is the safe thing to do. When you "thread the needle" so to speak, and pass us on the right, for a few seconds you become invisible to us. Ever see a truck move over to the right hand lane and almost, or God Forbid, actually run someone off the road? More than likely it was because he could not see the other vehicle. If you must pass on the right, do it quickly. Don't just mosey on along.

That is really all I have to say about big rear ends for right now. All of us with big rear ends out here thank you.

Keep on Truckin......